ACT I

Our story begins two years ago, in happier times. The economy is flush, and the Bush campaign is revved up and going strong. As the curtain rises, Karl Rove is describing Bush’s close relationship with Enron to a young campaign worker:

Bush And Enron
(Sung to the tune of “Love and Marriage” by Frank Sinatra)

Bush and Enron, Bush and Enron,
Go together like an atom and proton.
This I tell you, brother.
You won’t find one without the other.

Bush and Enron, Bush and Enron,
This boy from Texas ain’t no moron.
To win, you need a lot of money.
And you won’t get it without some honey

Try, try, try to separate them and their collusion.
Try, try, try, and you will only come to this conclusion...

Bush and Enron, Bush and Enron,
Go together like an atom and a proton.
Bush was told by his father.
Think of Enron as your brother.

(repeat verses)

Next, the musical moves into its biggest production number, which features both Congress and the president, as the stage is set for Enron’s collapse. As the scene opens, the Congressional Chorus, made up of cigar-chomping pols, offers a tribute to the joys of loose political money:

Donors Are A Pol's Best Friend
(To the tune of “Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend” by Marilyn Monroe)

(musical introduction)

The G.O.P. all fight for Shrub.
They delight in being his tools...
But Bush prefers his relatives,
And cronies who bend rules...

A good cause is grand,
And can be an inspiration,
But donors are a pol’s best friend!
Giving the poor a hand,
Won’t help your aspiration,
To win the next election,
Or get a leadership selection.

Oil's black gold, with cash so cold,
And the lobby for arms likes to spend.
Your donors may demand breaks from regulation...
But donors are a pol’s best friend!

And if they so demand, they'll get.
So have no consternation.
Don’t make them feel blue, don't forget...
You’ll need them real soon...

A good cause is grand,
And can be an inspiration,
But donors are a pol’s best friend!
Giving the poor a hand,
Won’t help your aspiration,
To win the next election,
Or get a leadership selection.

Oil's black gold, with cash so cold,
And the lobby for arms like to spend.
Your donors may demand breaks from regulation...
But donors are a pol’s best friend!

The members of Congress part the aisle as House Speaker Dennis Hastert announces Bush’s entrance. Bush steps up to the podium, hushes the crowd and tips his 10-gallon hat toward Vice President Dick Cheney. The lights dim for his solo:

There's No Business Like Big Business
(Sung to the tune of “There’s No Business Like Show Business” from the musical, "Annie Get Your Gun")

(instrumental intro)

There’s no business like Big Business,
When it comes to doling out dough.
Everything about it is appealing;
Every dime the law will allow.
I know their motives are revealing,
That they expect to profit somehow.

There’s no people like corporate people
They smile when they write the check.
Even if they expect a quid pro quo
How can I be expected to just say no?
This is politics and money makes it go.
Let’s get on with the dough!

The big wigs of business, who makes the pols work,
Are secretly all happy men because...
The big wigs of business, who makes the pols work,
They pay off pols to help rewrite the laws.
They'd gladly fleece their workers, don't ask why.
Do anything for profit, bleed them dry.

There’s no business like Big Business,
When it comes to doling out dough.
Everything about it is appealing;
Every dime the law will allow.
I know their motives are revealing,
That they expect to profit somehow.

There’s no people like corporate people
They smile when they write the check.
Even if they expect a quid pro quo
How can I be expected to just say no?
This is politics and money makes it go...

(The Congressional Chorus joins in for the last two lines:)
Let’s get on with the dough!
Let’s get on with the dough!

ACT II

Act II opens with Ken Lay sitting at his computer, composing e-mails touting the corporation’s stock to Enron employees. Yellow smiley faces are posted above his desk.

Don't Worry, Buy Enron
(Sung to the tune of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” by Bobby McFerrin)

(instrumental intro)

Here’s a little message I wrote:
It may make you cash in your bank note.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.

With any stock there can be trouble.
But not to worry, Enron will double.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron now.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.

(instrumental break)

If the stock goes bad, you’ll be broke.
But not to worry, since I’m a decent bloke.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.

Your broker says the margin’s due.
No reason to make you blue.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.
Look at me - I hold Enron.
Don’t worry - Buy Enron.

(instrumental break)

Here, I'll give you my auditor's number.
When you worry call him, he’ll make you happy.
Don’t worry - buy Enron.

Finally, as the scandal breaks wide open and Enron slides into bankruptcy, the dramatic conclusion unfolds. CEO Lay, alone on the rooftop of Enron's headquarters in Houston, Texas, sings:

Don’t Cry For Me, My Employees
(Sung to the tune of “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina” by Madonna, from the musical, "Evita")

(instrumental intro)

It won't be easy, you'll all feel strange,
When I try to explain how I feel.
But you're no longer needed, because Enron's done.
You don't believe me.
All you will see is a world you once knew.
And now I've 'fessed up, Enron's dyin'
Chapter 11 is due.

I had to let it happen; it was arranged.
I've worked all my life for this deal.
Opportunity window, playing out this for fun.
Financial freedom?!
I've run aground trying; everything blew.
I'm really distressed at my fall.
Don't know what the heck to do.

Don’t cry for me, my employees.
The truth is: I’ve always deceived you.
I sold my stock quick,
Though you couldn’t sell yours.
I kept my profits.
Now keep your distance.

And as for your fortunes, and as for your 401Ks,
I never invited you in.
Though I made it seem helping you was all I desired.
My e-mails were illusions.
They were not the solutions they promised to be.
The answers were here all the time.
Locked in my desk where only I could see.

Don’t cry for me, my employees.
The truth is: I’ve always deceived you.
I sold my stock quick,
Though you couldn’t sell yours.
I kept my profits.
Now keep your distance.

(instrumental break)

Have I said too much?
I should be careful of what I say to you.
But all you have to do is look at my bank account to know.
That every word is true.

Don’t cry for me, my employees.
The truth is: I’ve always deceived you.
I sold my stock quick,
Though you couldn’t sell yours.
I kept my profits.
Now keep your distance.

As the climax approaches, dozens of reporters run onto the stage, firing questions about the scandal in every direction. Just then, Bush rides into view atop a great white steed. “Follow me into the next great battle in the war on terrorism,” he shouts, before galloping off stage with all of the press running after him. The audience, playing the role of the public, applauds.
 

THE  END

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