(instrumental intro) Ashcroft is a loon, all right. Hates calico cats. They cause fear, despite his might. Hates calico cats. He wants such cats out of sight. Or they'll drive him bats. He's more often wrong than right. Hates calico cats.

(Refrain:)
He sees them ("Oh, no!")
He loathes them ("Must go!")
He'll seize them ("Like so.")
Chase out all the calicos,
And now we all

Hear him say: "Hey, be a pal.
Get me more Crisco.
Don't want corn oil or low-cal!
My supply is low."

(instrumental break)

He sees them ("Oh, no!")
He loathes them ("Must go!")
He'll seize them ("Like so.")
Chase out all the calicos,
And he says that

He knows just what "sinful" means.
Bare breasts drive him bats.
Coverin' statues by all means.
And no calico cats.

And that's the mad, mad tale of our top cop male...
Hates calico cats!

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